Personal Post: Remembering My Father

I often write about women’s leadership, training, and development. At times, this may give the impression that my focus is solely on women, and that I am not shaped by or appreciative of the contributions of our male counterparts. Nothing could be further from the truth.

My life has been profoundly guided and influenced by men as much as by women: through their support, their wisdom, and their examples, both positive and challenging.

My father recently passed away or, as I prefer to say, he transitioned. His absence has been deeply felt because he was always there, quietly in the background. He was a quiet man in many ways: quietly supportive, a man of few words, yet always present. He had a sly smile that I spent much of my childhood trying to coax from him, because when it appeared it was absolutely delightful, cheeky, mischievous, and full of warmth.

I had the privilege and responsibility of writing the eulogy for his memorial, just as I did for my mother when she transitioned ten years ago. Preparing a eulogy is both an amazing and humbling experience. In speaking with family and friends and learning more about the life of someone who meant so much to me, you discover new layers of who they were. Hearing how others experienced him revealed parts of his life and personality that I had never fully seen before. It was both enlightening and deeply moving.

I am profoundly grateful for both of my parents. I have learned so much from them. Their choices, their values, their influence, and even their genetics have shaped who I am today.

My sister and I often laugh when we remember the toys Dad would buy for us as children: ambulances, cowboy and Indian sets.  Not exactly the traditional choices for two young girls. It was simply one of the many things that made him uniquely himself. And perhaps, though I had never thought about it this way before, it was also his way of telling us that girls could do anything. That quiet message may well be part of the reason my sister and I grew up to be such independent women.

Like many children across generations, there are moments when we wish our parents might have done things differently. Yet with time comes the understanding that we are rarely privy to the circumstances, pressures, or experiences they were navigating when those decisions were made, just as our own children may one day reflect on our choices with similar curiosity.

This reflection is simply a note of gratitude and deep appreciation for all that my parents have given me; their care, their protection, their guidance, and their wisdom.  I am grateful not only for how they raised me, but even for the very first decision they made: the choice to bring me into this world. For that gift of life, I am deeply thankful.

When we are young, we often lack the wisdom that comes from lived experience, and it can be easy to judge from that limited perspective. With time, however, understanding grows.

As I mentioned, I wrote the eulogies for both of my parents. I am often the person in the family asked to undertake this task, and it is something I consider a profound honour.  A final gift I could offer to them both.

Recently, I was speaking with one of my cousins, and we reflected on the fact that we are now the eldest living generation in our family. It is a thought many of us would prefer to avoid, yet if we are fortunate, it is a stage of life we eventually reach. With it comes a quiet responsibility to honour our parents and our ancestors through the way we live our lives, just as they once carried that responsibility before us.

As I reflect on my parents and the generation before us, I am reminded that leadership is often formed long before we realise it.

The values we absorb, the encouragement we receive, and the examples we witness shape how we show up in the world. They influence how we support others, how we create opportunity, and how we choose to lead.

Perhaps the greatest way we can honour those who came before us is not only in remembering them, but in carrying their best qualities forward in how we live and lead.